you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
