just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
