it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
