Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Holy sore nipples Batman
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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