u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
