addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
