just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Randomize
