nut hugger
I can text with my tongue
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
