i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
