i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
