Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
porn star boner night. come get it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
