I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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