well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
