the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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