Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I love you. Go after that dick
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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