I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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