There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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