turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
