Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
