Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
