Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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