Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
