hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
