We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
