speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
