worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just high enough for therapy.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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