I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
