i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
