it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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