Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Your cock deserves a montage
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
