i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
