Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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