Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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