you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
