break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
