I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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