Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
