when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
