I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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