I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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