It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Randomize
