Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
