sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
