but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
