I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
