Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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