are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
