ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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