Where did you get a picture of my penis
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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