Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
