Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
