one might say we're banned from that church
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
