Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
