We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
