so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
