I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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